THINKINGS MAN GUIDE TO PREGNANCY, CHILDBIRTH & FATHERHOOD


Ray Anthony
Published by ACE - £3.99
ISBN 978 0 9526287 0 5
eBook $2.99


A tongue-in-cheek look at the pregnancy & childbirth phenomenon from a male perspective - all the things an expectant father needs to know but is too afraid to ask!

A must have for the first-time dad.

'I Think I'm Pregnant'

OK guys, let's start with the basics. Nature didn't put men and women together the same way. There are fundamental differences. You think you already know this, don't you? You think you know what these differences are? Women are generally more caring, compassionate, and logical than men. 'It's a proven medical fact,' women are apt to remind us. Who am I to argue with a 'proven medical fact.' I'm only a man after all. So, they are more caring, compassionate and logical, are they?

There you are one day, it's a day like most days: you are having a conversation with your female partner. The subject of the conversation is mundane, it isn't important. You are only talking as you always do. Then, a sentence is casually slipped into the conversation, only a passing reference: 'I think I'm pregnant.' The appropriate response to this earth-shattering revelation voiced as offhandedly as it was imparted, may be, 'Oh really.' You may also choose this moment to stare out of the window, or maybe pick your teeth. Be cool, but above all, be alert.

If this counter measure is executed in the correct manner, her enthusiasm for the subject will show a miraculous fillip. 'I've just told you that I'm pregnant and all you can say is, "oh really!!" You *@##*@#, etc. etc.' Your next move depends on a number of factors. Consider them, as you calmly stare at her as she goes into orbit. Are you: Ecstatic?! Happy? Quite pleased? Indifferent? Disappointed? Angry? Hopping Mad?! Whatever your feelings, your options are limited. In fact you only have two. You can either 'do a runner', or 'see it through to the bitter end'!

THERE CAN BE NO MIDDLE GROUND.

Why this is so, will become apparent as you read on. If you decide to go for the first option, then everything is straightforward. Your life becomes relatively uncomplicated. All you have to do is say something like; 'Are you sure it's mine?' If you are alive and still in possession of both testicles, five seconds after asking this question, depart at the earliest opportunity. This option exempts you from reading further...

Are you are still reading? Presumably you've gone for the latter option. And you're feeling pretty damn pleased with yourself? 'I'm a mature and responsible man,' you're saying to yourself. 'I wouldn't abandon a pregnant woman.' Look, you only have one chance. Don't let some misguided sense of duty or paternalistic bullshit take you down this road. There ain't no turning back.

Think About It

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