||THINKINGS MAN GUIDE TO PREGNANCY,
CHILDBIRTH & FATHERHOOD
Published by ACE - £3.99
ISBN 978 0 9526287 0 5
A tongue-in-cheek look at the pregnancy & childbirth
phenomenon from a male perspective - all the things an expectant
father needs to know but is too afraid to ask!
A must have for the first-time dad.
'I Think I'm Pregnant'
OK guys, let's start
with the basics. Nature didn't put men and women together the same
way. There are fundamental differences. You think you already know
this, don't you? You think you know what these differences are?
Women are generally more caring, compassionate, and logical than
men. 'It's a proven medical fact,' women are apt to remind us. Who
am I to argue with a 'proven medical fact.' I'm only a man after
all. So, they are more caring, compassionate and logical, are they?
There you are one day,
it's a day like most days: you are having a conversation with your
female partner. The subject of the conversation is mundane, it isn't
important. You are only talking as you always do. Then, a sentence
is casually slipped into the conversation, only a passing reference:
'I think I'm pregnant.' The appropriate response to this earth-shattering
revelation voiced as offhandedly as it was imparted, may be, 'Oh
really.' You may also choose this moment to stare out of the window,
or maybe pick your teeth. Be cool, but above all, be alert.
If this counter measure
is executed in the correct manner, her enthusiasm for the subject
will show a miraculous fillip. 'I've just told you that I'm pregnant
and all you can say is, "oh really!!" You *@##*@#, etc. etc.' Your
next move depends on a number of factors. Consider them, as you
calmly stare at her as she goes into orbit. Are you: Ecstatic?!
Happy? Quite pleased? Indifferent? Disappointed? Angry? Hopping
Mad?! Whatever your feelings, your options are limited. In fact
you only have two. You can either 'do a runner', or 'see it through
to the bitter end'!
THERE CAN BE NO
Why this is so, will
become apparent as you read on. If you decide to go for the first
option, then everything is straightforward. Your life becomes relatively
uncomplicated. All you have to do is say something like; 'Are you
sure it's mine?' If you are alive and still in possession of both
testicles, five seconds after asking this question, depart at the
earliest opportunity. This option exempts you from reading further...
Are you are still reading?
Presumably you've gone for the latter option. And you're feeling
pretty damn pleased with yourself? 'I'm a mature and responsible
man,' you're saying to yourself. 'I wouldn't abandon a pregnant
woman.' Look, you only have one chance. Don't let some misguided
sense of duty or paternalistic bullshit take you down this road.
There ain't no turning back.
Think About It